All products tend to come with some sort of warning label; such as a canister of bug spray saying it is flammable or cigarettes saying they are cancerous. However the product of two humans resulting in child(ren) do not come with warning labels. If they did, well most people wouldn’t add together in order to get them. First-time parents should beware the alteration of personalities over time as they grow older and as a child grows up you get to see them at all stages of life. You get to see the good, the bad, and quite frankly the ugly. As children are an unknown function of whatever world you have thrust them into they are a product of your parenting and the mercy of society around them. As a parent you must be cautious of the ages 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 11, 13, 14, 16, 18, and 21. First-time parents should be warned that these ages are commonalities that many speak of in hushed tones. Though they might not always be the case for your child. Small itty bitty babies are so very cute, and their excrement is the most fowl thing you have laid eyes on. I have cleaned most bodily fluids off of places of the course of my life and the many odd jobs I have done. However, I have yet to find a worse combination than baby shit and shag carpet. It’s like the consistency of grits, the color of a caramel snickers, and the stench unfathomable. Oh, the best part is that that last for quite a while! So pamper up! Get a good changing table and make sure you’ve stocked up on small trash bags years ahead of time! As children mature, this becomes less so an issue luckily. Just remember attitudes run rampant! Hormones persist in all the phases of the development cycle of a human being! Oh joy! Once you get to where a child is 11, well be prepared for some changes! Think back to your childhood, did you have any angst, mood swings, or other general teenager things? As that is probably so, congrats! You get to relive those moment vicariously through your kiddo(s)! It’s like having a flash back, but better as it has all the effects! Bells and whistles and everything! Hollywood wishes they could replicate the terror of raising teenagers! Though it is a terror sometimes, often it is the most rewarding thing in the world so I am told. I have yet to have my own children; however, I was gifted with a sister when I was in high school so I have gotten to see at least part of the parenting process! Nothing says safe sex and waiting till your older than the flash bang that is a 3 year old hurtling through the air towards you with glow sticks and violent screaming! I’ve been traumatized! If only children came with warning labels tattooed on from birth.

God, please add that last part to the next patch for Earth 1.2.7.23. It would be nice!

Thanks for reading!
-Ben

P.S. Undoubtable mothers out there might share this with laughing emojis and comments. Now guys, gals, and non-binary pals it is customary to share your experiences and what you might add to what I missed in the comments of whatever platform. Maybe I will go through them, maybe I’ll even make a follow up to this post.